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Latest Score: Mouth 2 , Brain Nil.
Here at the heart of the Evil Empire, it would seem that things aren’t going so well up at the top. Not that anyone actually tells usinthemiddle anything, but there’s no hiding from the chilling ripples of a major disturbance in the force Farce. Not when the ripples are as blatant as they were this morning, when during a meeting which had seemingly passed well beyond the deathly-dull point, someone VerySeniorandSelfImportantIndeed (Deputy) accidentally referred to the euphemistic process of “Vacancy Management”, a friendly and ForwardLookingManagementActivity to which we were only introduced less than a fortnight ago, as ‘the current total suspension of all recruitment for the foreseeable future and beyond.’ Gulp.
Being a Monday morning, and given that I spent most of the weekend engaged in the many varied and exhausting processes of moving house (albeit on occasion somewhat tangentially), Brain function was idling at least one timezone behind Mouth activity. The ensuing debate covered much ground, but VSSII (Deputy) was admirably evasive, particularly concerning the accuracy of her abilities to predict beyond the foreseeable future. Opposing forces swiftly massed on grounds of strict organisational hierarchy to an even 3-a-side, and those from above defended well. Or rather they didn’t. I’d just have liked them to. They tried hard, I suppose, but failed dismally. The upshot being that, somewhere just over the horizon, there is going to be a half-arsed organisational restructuring lying in wait to spring forth an efficiency ambush. Though I think that the crucial element of surprise may now have been blown, given that in terms of the ambush, they’re still in the shop buying the bullets. The high point of the encounter was probably not when I suggested that VSSII (Deputy) might benefit from reading a second book on organisational management. Ideally one published sometime after the 80’s. And ideally one that is actually in some way relevant to the sort of organisation that we are supposed to be. She glared at me in what I understand may actually be her first ever silence. I had finally overstepped the mark. And so I apologised wholeheartedly for my inclusion of the word ‘second’.
Following straight on from the morning debacle, I got back to my desk to discover that a big pointy arrow of irony has been fired into it, albeit using a more modern manner of weaponry. I had an email, notably from a very senior HR person, insisting that I have no choice but to attend the internal recruitment and selection training course next week, as I have not yet done so and it’s policy and a job requirement not an option blather blather blather etc. . . . I curtly replied that my previous declinations still apply, if only on the grounds that my review of the course materials suggested nothing other than the training being a 2-day waste of any intelligent person’s time and cognitive capacity. I also casually suggested that perhaps her time would be better spent drafting the organisation a decent redundancy policy. The reply just received was a short ‘Do you know something that I don’t?’
I have felt very awkward and distinctly uncomfortable not being able to explain to everyone else in the office why I have been both laughing and groaning out loud today.
Comments
You didn't think to use the "did I just say that out loud? Sorry, I meant to only think it" get out clause on VSSII?
Posted by: stroppycow at June 6, 2005 08:53 PM