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where I check I'm not an accidental Grownup
Please bear with me while I have a brief moment of self-reflection. I have this urge to check that I haven’t accidentally become a Grownup.
When I was younger, I could spot a Grownup. They were always given away by their tell-tale signs of growed-upiness. For instance, my younger sister has been middle-aged since she was 4. And for the sake of sibling balance, I haven’t. Anyway, I've found myself thinking about such tell-tale signs and applying them to my current self. Here goes with a few:
!) Writing numbered lists. I remember my Mum writing a lot of lists when I was little. So I associate writing lists with being growedupity. And I do write a lot of lists. But is this excuse for actual self-organisation evidence of a desire to be growedup? I have no idea. But I’ll keep the shift key held down just to be on the safe side.
“) Having a job where I find someone else’s words coming out of my mouth and saying, “I can consult my team on your proposal and feedback to you all by the end of the week. There’s going to be some resistance, but I can handle the questions and my gut feeling is that this is a go-er.” At 9am on a Monday morning. Entirely guilty of this one. Oh god, what have I become?
£) Having a job where I find myself saying “Look, just try not be a wanker about it. I’m sure her name’s not actually pronounced cumbucket." At 9.45am. Whilst pissing myself laughing.
$) Going on and on and on . . .
%) Turning down a Saturday night invite to go mash it up at an all-nighter, and staying in to watch telly instead. I contend that this is not an age issue. It was cold, and located in Kings Cross. And everyone who did go is older than me anyway.
^) Washing my car. Oh blimey ‘eck I’ve finally done it. For the first time in my life I deliberately and purposefully washed a car of mine because it was dirty and the salty dirt might damage the paintwork. Uh oh. If I had any actual alarm bells they’d be deafening me about this.
&) Having back problems. All older people complain about the state of their backs. Admittedly, mine is shagged and it hurts a lot, but that’s because I have a vertebra that keeps dancing out of place, and not because I’m old.
*) Worrying about this size of my debt. I simply find it less stressful not to worry about it.
() Being a grumpy old man propping up the bar in a pub all day, supping a solitary pint and whacking miscreant youth with a walking stick for sport. This is still an as yet unfulfilled ambition, though I am practising.
)) Getting married . . . nearly happened once. A long time ago. And that’s close enough for me, thanks.
!!) Having children . . . erm . . .
On balance, this grownup thing is not an entirely clear cut issue. And though I am safe in the knowledge that it isn’t technically possible to have a second childhood until I’ve finished with the first one, the question remains . . . am I feeling Growedupity?
Well . . . Nope.
That's alright, then.